Issues #1 - #3 "Back On the Street"

Issue #1 - "The Summer Of the Year"

Our demented series starts with Spider Jerusalem living up in his home on the Mountain. He is very happy there and cherishes his solitude like a true mountain man with no regard to his state of dress (or lack thereof) or personal hygiene. However, that life of solitude is interrupted by an editor. Apparently Spider reneged on a book deal and spent all his money down the toilet, and still owes his publisher two as of yet unwritten books. With no other choice, Spider, packs whatever belongings he can into his "beautiful car," arms his ebola security systems, and sets off into the city (but not before firing a rocket launcher at the local bar).

Upon arriving in the City, Spider goes to the local newspaper, "The Word," in the hopes of finding his old friend, Mitchell Royce. After staging a coup to search for Royce, Spider finds him "caged." Upon realizing the "cage" is an editor's office he demands a job, one that Royce happily provides along with an apartment, journalist's insurance, in exchange for a weekly op-ed column (provided it does not consist of the word "fuck" printed over and over again.).

Upon arriving at his new shithole apartment, he forces a drug dealer to hook him up with intelligence enhancers before entering his new decrepit home. The phone is not surprisingly out which prevents him from calling Royce to "exchange words" about the apartment. An accident with a "voice-keyed physical cleaning unit" completely eviscerates all of his body hair revealing a spider tattoo on his head (along with a great deal of other body art all over him). Going to his maker, which is literally an AI-powered machine that can anything as long as it has a base block, he orders up what will be his patented black linen suit and a multi-colored pair of live shades for photography. These items will become the trademark of Spider Jerusalem's appearance.

As his TV is scanning news feeds for something to possibly write about for his first column, Spider stops the random changes at a news report about the transient movement, upon the discovery that said movement is lead by none other than his old friend, Fred Christ. Deciding that the transient movement will be his first column, Spider Jerusalem sets out into the night to Angels 8 the site of the transient movement determined to interview Fred Christ.

Issue #2 - "Down the Dip"

Upon arriving at Angels 8, Spider Jerusalem happens upon a transient standing in front of a hastily constructed barricade. The transient simply tells him to "piss off," so Spider jabs his still burning cigarette into the transient's eye and climbs past the barricade. The transients Spider encounters in his search seem terrified and won't talk until being warned of the high possibility that riot police may wipe them all out if they don't speak.

Finally being led to a bar, Spider encounters a pair of twin transients stationed outside as guards. Unlike the transient at the barricade, these guards are so high on authority and so Spider beats the living shit out of them, enters the bar and shoots up the place until Fred Christ emerges from the back room of the bar. The interview commences, and the details are about transience are revealed. Through a process called "temping" one is allowed to temporally or permanently alter one's own genetic make up. When the aliens on Old Vilnius sold their own genome for sale to dedicated tempers, many people, Fred Christ included chose to only partially alter their bodies so they were part human and part alien, and thus becoming transients.

However the benefits of performing such an alteration has no known benefits, with no completed transients as of yet, and Spider promptly notes that every transient in existence is a failure. As Spider invalidates the arguments for Angels 8's succession to the Vilnius colony, the interview goes south as Fred is slammed for being too drunk on his own power. Despite the transient movement's success in occupying Angels 8, Spider still warns Christ that the riot police could overtake them and all they'd need is to make up an excuse.

Upon leaving the bar, Spider notices a group of human lawyers talking to some transients outside the bar. Upon returning to his apartment, he notices a bioengineered cat with three eyes and two mouths smoking a cigarette. What does he do but take the at as his very own pet. The next morning, the phone rings. Upon finding it in the toilet, he answers it to have Royce demanding to know the status on the column. Royce goes on to explain that he controls Spider's phone from Royce's end, citing an incident in Prague in which Spider apparently talked people to death over the phone (TAKE THAT CHUCK NORRIS!). After revealing that his column will be centered around Fred Christ, Spider offers to send the interview over to Royce via the phone line, but instead gets the cat to urinate on the phone, cutting conversation short.

The news feed announces that a transient demonstration has gone horribly wrong. A firebomb was thrown at police by a transient. Realizing that the protest has now turned into a full blown riot, Spider dashes out of his apartment and toward Angels 8 with no idea why or what to do upon arrival. "Barely twenty-four hours back in the city and I've gone madder'n a bastard on Father's Day..."

Issue #3 - "Up On the Roof"

Angels 8 is going up in flames, as Spider speeds toward it in his car. He quickly deduces that the lawyers he saw the previous day had paid those transients to throw the firebomb at today's protest. As a result, the police have turned Angels 8 into their very own playground. Deciding he needs to be on higher ground, he talks his way into the nearest building, a strip club, and asks for access to the roof. Three other strippers curiously follow him up to the roof.

Firing up his typewriter (which looks much more like a laptop), Spider contacts Royce, announcing that he will beam the column through to the Word as he writes it. Before he starts, he explains his philosophy to the strippers that "journalism is just a gun. It's only got one bullet in it, but if you aim it right, that's all you need. Aim it right, and you can blow a kneecap off the world."

As Spider writes, the words pour out of him with ease. The blame for what will now be covered as the Transient Riot, as well as the horrifying images of the police brutality are all transcribed but not only sent to Royce, but Royce has sold the live streaming rights to this article in the making to SPKF, the City's local news station. As Spider writes, everybody listens. The Civic Center is jammed with phone calls from outraged citizens and a city councilman tries and fails to order Mitchell Royce to stop the broadcast, only to be reminded of a certain constitutional amendment. Spider's column is proves to be brutally honest, and the live broadcast ultimately results in an order for all the police in Angels 8 to withdraw.

A typewriter call from Royce results in another horrifying revelation for Spider Jerusalem, his column was being displayed live, which resulted in massive outrage from the people, THUS MAKING SPIDER JERUSALEM FAMOUS YET AGAIN! However this instant fame has a sudden downside. As Spider is walking home a police car pulls up beside him, and the cops inside get out and proceed to beat the ever-loving shit out of Spider warning him that he'll be killed if he attacks the police again. However he is only emboldened and laughs in celebration as he declares himself here to stay!

WELCOME TO THE MADNESS!

Hello you poor unfortunate souls who have been subjected to this blog. It's Crazy Nate bringing you my new source of madness. What is the madness you ask? Well recently I have discovered this brilliant comic book called "Transmetropolitan," written by the genius that is Warren Ellis. It's kinda like a very vulgar futuristic political cartoon that follows the adventures of Spider Jerusalem, an insane, drug addicted journalist who hates everyone in the dystopian City (that's it's name, just the City) AND IT'S HILARIOUS! So I'm going to share the madness with you, as I review each individual story in this 60 issue comic. So take some Jumpstart and enjoy the madness. You'll all be drowned in it!